Sam’s grandmother passed away last night. I didn’t get many details because he mostly stayed outside. I asked if he wanted to go to be with his family – no. He advised he would go to the funeral but did not want to go early.
I can understand and respect it I guess. Which led to a fight with my mother who continued to send text after text telling me that we really needed to go, it was disrespectful etc. Not my family, not my choice.
The truth is – I don’t know much about Sam’s family or why he didn’t spend much time with this set of grandparents. But I’m certainly not going to force him into a car and drive him to New Mexico to find out.
I told Katelyn last night and the wisdom of her whole 3 years was clear yet again “Oh, Ila Jean went to Heaven. Heaven is a really nice place. We won’t see her for awhile but she is with God.” And then she asked to see the quilt Ila Jean sent her a few months ago. I cried. She ran off playing.
Oh to be young and to see everything in black and white. Who needs that grey area of emotion anyway? She woke up fine this morning. I am dreading the funeral because I think that is going to be weird for her. With a lot of hard questions for me.
Sam is still asleep. And I have that icky sinking feeling in my stomach. I’m sad for Ila Jean and I feel like all of the emotions I didn’t deal with when my grandfather passed away are flooding back in.
It might be a long day.