Upheaval.

The one thing that never changes about where I work is that everything is always changing. Policy changes, turn over is high, morale is low.

Well, that last one may never change.

There are a lot of huge changes coming now though. Whole units are potentially losing their jobs as the State goes through “redesign.”

What that means for me unfortunately is even more responsibility. And the thought of more responsibility is making me cringe. I already have way too much going on.

So, what do I do? Start job shopping, naturally.

There are a few decent job prospects in Lubbock so I went ahead and submitted my resume. I doubt any of these places will wait months for us to move but perhaps it would be a good incentive to get on with it.

I am tired of my job dictating every aspect of my life. I’m tired of pacifying people. I’m tired of my phone ringing. And ringing. And ringing. Even when I’m too sick to even drag myself off of the couch e-mails are piling up, voice mail is full, and lives are crumbling. It’s an awesome responsibility and one I think I’m tired of having.

This has happened before and I haven’t been that directly affected by it. I’ve watched whole areas of programs crumble and people get shuffled around – some willing, most not.

I refuse to be shuffled. And I refuse to have extra responsibilities thrown at me when I can’t even keep up with my own.

I may be changing the world one child at a time – but maybe the children I’ve already helped is enough.

I don’t want to feel like I’m on the verge of a panic attack every day. It just isn’t worth it.

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2 thoughts on “Upheaval.

  1. I totally agree with you. I believe we may be in the same profession. Or I ma be on my way to the same profession. I’ve had my panic attacks. Read my blog, you’ll see! Don’t worry, girl, I’m just as underpaid as you! Keep in touch~

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