I woke up feeling hopeful this morning which was a really nice change from the past few weeks. Though I should clarify I initially woke up thinking of all of the crap I will have to do tomorrow when I get back to work. But that subsided and peace set in.
These 5 days off have been nothing short of a miracle. Being an emotional mess while trying to do an emotionally challenging job is not a good mix.
I typically don’t see myself as the stay at home mom type – probably because I never did it. But we baked banana nut bread this morning and it all felt very domestic.
Katelyn did tell me she missed her friends today so I’m sure she’ll be ready to head back to school tomorrow. I am 50/50 on returning to work.
My phone has rang non-stop the past few days (as it does every day) and I had 88 e-mails in my inbox this morning. I think my next job will be as a Wal-Mart greeter. I can leave work at work. Or you know maybe crunching numbers so I don’t have to feel like lives are at stake every day.
Because they are – and that’s reality.
A friend and I went to see a tarot card reader when we were 17. A few of the things I remember: I have met my soul-mate (not true), I’m a nurturing person (mostly true) and that I would work with children (well at least that one was right.)
I applied for a job at Texas Tech for a new pilot program focusing on first generation and low-income incoming freshmen. It’s designed to catch these kids before college and show them that higher education is possible. I’m already dealing with several of these kiddos right now and I felt like I could really contribute to the cause when I read through the posting.
Sam and I went to a game this weekend. Our first Tech game since Katelyn was 6 weeks old and I literally fell asleep on his shoulder. It made me sad that I rushed through college. I was in and out in 4 years. Some days I wish I would have enjoyed it more. The last two years I was in school, I worked on game days because those were decent days to make money. I should have been tailgating and yelling my head off at the games. Being back on campus and seeing the spirit and infectious nature of college made me realize it probably wasn’t as bad as it felt then.
Regrets are fun!
I used to say I had no regrets. And really I don’t. Life has ended up pretty good for me even with all of the stupid decisions and mistakes along the way. I’ve been blessed even when I probably didn’t deserve it.
The next few months will be hectic at work preparing for the one big event we have each year. And after that I am hopeful we will be able to move on.
Hope is good and sometimes that’s all you need.