Thursday used to be my favorite day of the week. It’s my “protected” day which means I can work from home to get everything caught up. It used to be productive.
Now no matter how much better I’ve been doing, Thursday hits me like ice cold waves in the face. I go through every second of August 30th in my mind over and over again until 11:02 am when Penny was gone. I’ve been nauseated after I eat for weeks now to which Sam joking says “baby!” but I think it’s stress. And grief.
It really is unpleasant. In the book Dog Heaven it talks about God having a sense of humor and an endless supply of dog biscuits in various fun shapes like squirrels and ham sandwiches. Last night Katelyn said a prayer (when she thought I couldn’t hear her) telling God that he should maybe try a peanut butter one instead because Penny really, really liked peanut butter.
And as I’m typing this, Lila came and stole a piece of cantaloupe. Maybe years from now when Lila goes to Cat Heaven we can pray that God gives her some of that. She’s done a lot better with the not stealing random weird food but the starving stray still shows up occasionally. I’m pretty convinced she thinks she is a dog. If someone knocks on the door or she hears the mail woman she flies through the house like she’s got something to say to them. God knew what he was doing when Lila showed up – that much I know for sure.
I’ve been more emotional today than normal because a case I’ve worked incredibly hard on will be ending next week. And it’s a really happy ending but an ending none the less.
Life goes on. Even when I feel like it should be at a stand still.