I cried myself to sleep the night I turned 28. I had opted to work and since my birthday generally falls close to (or on) Thanksgiving – I think this is the first time I’ve ever worked on my birthday. Katelyn opened my presents while I was getting ready. I cried on the way to work. I missed my dog. I was sad for my friend and his family. It did not start out well.
I holed up in my office and got a lot of work done. It was quiet. No one around the office knew or remembered it was my birthday.
I met my mom and my grandmother for lunch. We had cake and candles that night. Katelyn, of course, blew them all out.
Once you become a mom – your birthday is no longer your birthday. I definitely had a “it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” experience. It wasn’t fun and I wasn’t proud of it.
And then something happened.
Yesterday I woke up with a renewed sense of self. It felt almost like the sweet fresh promise of New Year’s Day.
I am 28.
My life has not gone how I had planned. But I have everything I need.
I felt recharged and fearless. There is a lot to take on in this world and I still have time and the energy for it. I spent two hours this morning cleaning my office. Eventually we will move and I will leave it all behind. That, dear readers, will be a good day.
Today I’m feeling a little less optimistic. But there are 10 days off looming ahead for Christmas and I am so, so ready for them.