Tag Archives: motherhood

Retail therapy.

I haven’t felt the need and/or had time to blog much this week. Normally I would say that was a good thing.

 

We survived the terrible twos, which melted into the terrible threes, and now that we’re two months into four – holy moly.

My daughter is smart, funny, caring and sarcastic. And she is a handful. Four has brought on a whole new set of entertainment and challenges. She’s really realizing she is her own person and can say no and have an opinion (lots and lots and lots of them!) but she still hasn’t yet realized that Mommy is not just an extension of her and that I too, am my own person

 

Well – I used to be before I became a mom.

 

Last night I couldn’t get more than 6 inches away from her without her going into panic mode and getting thisclose to me again. I’m not sure what’s going on there but hopefully we transition back to normal soon. I’ve never been a touchy-feely person and granted I can cuddle my sweet girl like the best of them – last night it was just too.much.love.

It probably doesn’t help that I’m still not feeling all that great. And I’m pretty sure my ovary totally revolted the other night but that’s a post for another day.

I went to Target today. At work, we have a Halloween carnival every year. Halloween is in my top 3 favorite holidays so I get really excited about it. I’m way behind on decorating so I set out on a mission. Target will be the death of me. Why, why, why do they have the “bargain” bins by the door?! Yes $1.00 and $2.50 items are CHEAP but not when they are all so cute that you walk away with 10 items! I can never pull myself away from what seems like a good deal. So I happily shopped. Pumpkin decor – check. Thanksgiving sign – check. Owl – check.

The owl was too cute to leave behind!

Stop judging me.

Surprisingly – Target had no spiderwebs. So I ventured off to Michaels and shopped some more.

It was nice.

I was able to decorate my door before I had to commit back to actually working.

 

 

Yay Halloween! And fall! It’ s the little things right!

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Life. Or something like it.

Every time I debate starting to blog again – the following thoughts occur: Will I have time? (yes.) Will it restore my sense of self? (yes.) Will it prevent me from turning into a raging psychopath? (yes, yes, yes!)

When in reality it goes something like this: Alright, I’ll start a blog again. This will be fun. I’ll keep it up. I will process my thoughts in a nice, humorous way instead of slamming the Daddy person with them, or worse, bottling them up.

Oh, reality. There is no time to blog. I wake up at 6 am before my alarm is anywhere near going off (I’m taking this as a true sign of adulthood.) I make and drink coffee. I get ready for work. I get child up, dressed, fed and deposited at school. I go to work. My work day varies from horrible to frightening. I drive hundreds of miles. I pick up the little person. We come home. We snuggle. We make dinner. We clean up after dinner. We play. We bathe. She goes to sleep. I scroll through my list of 4946854098 DVR’d shows that I never get to watch because the TV is monopolized by Dora, or Wubzy, or Fresh Beat Band – or even worse ESPN. I decide the shows can wait. Collapse in exhaustion.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

I used to be fun. I used to have a sense of humor. That all seems so long gone sometimes. I miss that person. I know she’s bound to be in there somewhere. Underneath piles and piles of emotions and worry about the lives I’m responsible for. And there are many. Sometimes so many I don’t want to even begin to think about any of them individually.

Which brings me to why I actually wanted to blog today.

Alanis.

Oh Alanis Morrisette.

Ironic made me have a panic attack on my first plane ride. Who in their right mind encourages an 11 year old to listen to Ironic while sitting on the runway? I mean, really?!

I remember sitting on my friend’s bed howling to Uninvited all summer. The song was terrible, but we had fun. I also vaguely remember my grandmother hearing Thank You blaring from my room at some point and declaring her love for Alanis. She still remembers (and likes!) that song.

A few years later – I rediscovered my love for Alanis in the midst of my teenage years. You Oughta Know saw me through a break up (or 5.) Well, until I found out it was about Uncle Joey from Full House and it lost some of it’s appeal. Thankfully, this happened WAY after I found it to be beneficial.

I danced around my room to Head Over Feet and planned weddings. Lots of weddings at various stages of my life. Interestingly enough – I have no desire to play that song now if Sam and I ever get married.

And then there was Hands Clean. It became my mantra – and my tag line for the one blog I actually maintained for years. This could get messy. And messy it got. And it’s still messy!

She hooked up with Ryan Reynolds and I was afraid we would never again get a crazy assault on the English language beautiful song again. I was wrong. I felt like in ways, she had grown up with me. And when she had a baby and became a crazy extended breastfeeding advocate we reconnected again.

I have no idea if her new song is about motherhood though I pretend that it is.

I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care, your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian 

Because ultimately, that is how I feel about my precious monster. She is truly a blessing and I know that I’m her momma and she is my crazy ranting child for a reason.

And at the end of the day – if I have enough time to write a blog that is not only ranting about life but basking in a happy part of it – it’s been a good one.

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